I'm not totally sure what to say. My parents are fighting again today. So my day has basically consisted of listening to country and doing my best to avoid both of them. Until my mother asked me to go to the store with her.
I'll start with saying that I know I'm not totally skinny, but she doesn't need to point that fact out in the middle of the store. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to cut. Not like I'll say that to her. She probably just freak out and do her best to avoid me as much as possible. Then we got in a fight at the next store because I wasn't talking as much as she wanted me to. Only because I didn't want to piss her off anymore.
Yeah, so country music is my new best friend:)
Love y'll...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Too Much
So I realized today, that I haven't told you about my fabulous adventure with my church people yet.
It all started in sixth grade. That's when I met (for the sake of keeping their name's secret, we're going to call him Bob) Bob. It was at a lock in at church and it was the first time I met him. He was attractive, yes, but he also had a fabulous personality. He was funny and down to earth and just plain sweet.
As the years went by, I started to see more and more of him and we started to get closet. Now, mind you that I've had feelings for him since the night I met him.
Now fast forward to last Friday night. (I could break into song, but I'm trying to be serious) He was there, but also my best church friend, Kat (keeping her name secret). I told Kat that I have had a crush on Bob for three years, and she encouraged me to tell him so.
So I put it off, and eventually told him how I felt about him. Then he followed by saying how if I had said something to him earlier, we might have had a very good chance of dating, since he felt that way about me as well.
Yeah, so fast forward about 10 hours, and he's leaving and gives me a hug (make my insides smile) and leaves.
Then that night, I'm texting him and Kat at the same time. After a while and a break in the conversation, he starts asking about her. Yeah, great. So I answer his questions, like a good friend, and give him her number when he asks for it. At the same time, I'm telling her all about it.
Me: So hes asking about u right now
Kat: whats he saying?
Me: he wants to know if you trust me and i told him that idk i believe u do
Kat: ok
Me: so i have a question for u. sister to sister. answer totally honestly, do u have a crush on bob?
Kat: yes i do. i realized it last night while we were playing ping pong together.
Me: ok
Kat: im sorry, u told me u liked him and so i didnt want to say anything
Me: its ok, hes still asking about u
Kat: whats he saying?
Me: he asked for your number
Kat: u can give it to him
And that's basically how the conversation went. Carried on with me not knowing if he texting her and then giving her his number and her and I didn't talk for the rest of the night. And we used to talk everyday, but now, we don't talk at all. Only because I don't want to get upset with her. Or even take the chance of her talking about him and me not wanting to hear about it.
And the best part about this whole thing, is that I get to see them both tonight. Him first at Youth Group, then her later at Confirmation. And what makes this whole situation even better is that, last Friday, was the first time they met AND she had a boyfriend and still does.
Now that carries me over to my next big delema. Kat is kind of a player. She goes from guy to guy and breaks hearts along the way. And Bob is very fragile. I've come to realize this about him. He gets hurt easily. And he also likes long relationships, not short lived ones.
So my question is: how to I express my worry and caution to him about her morals with guys, without making it seem like I'm trying to keep them away from each other? I really need to figure that out before tonight.
Plus something else that I have to figure out, is how to talk to Bob. Let me explain. On Monday, I was talking to my friend Lily (hiding her real name) about this. And she decided to go and friend Bob on Facebook. And I guess yesterday, he excepted. And they talked. Yeah, great. This is my understanding of how the conversation went:
Lily: Hey
Bob: do i know u?
Lily: yeah, im a friend of mikayla
Bob: oh hi, whats up.
Lily: i just wanted to tell u that it want cool of u to ask mikayla for another girl's number while u know mikayla likes u
Bob: i didnt think it would bother mikayla
Lily: yeah, shes pretty upset
Bob: oh
And that's where my understanding of my conversation ended. And last night on Facebook, Bob posted something about being very stressed.
Last night:
Me: everything ok?
Bob: ya ill ttyl gonna finish up a show and go to bed
Me: alright
Today after hearing about Lily talking to Bob:
Me:What's going on?
Bob: what do u mean?
Me: on fb u said u were upset. U ok?
Bob: stressed very
Me: Wanna talk about it?
Bob: Tonight.
So now I have no idea what to go off of, or what to expect. Yeah, great. So I have to deal with two people, my feelings, and my problems. All of which, I don't want to do. So if anyone has a passport and one way ticket out of this place, let me know please.
Um, so in other news. I got a hair cut!!! I'll post a picture when I get home so I don't look like a dork taking pictures of myself on my laptop in the middle of study hall. I am also wearing a skirt. And this NEVER happens. Like this is a big deal. I am also wearing make up. I haven't worn make up all week. So everyone's kind of freaking out. I'm not totally sure why, since I'm the one who got my hair cut, and is wearing make up and a skirt, and not them. But oh well. People can get excited over whatever people want to get excited over.
Well that was a mouthful and plenty for you to read. And since I just spent 45 minutes talking about my love life, I should probably go. Like always
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
GPA
So I just did the math and figured out that I have a 1.5 GPA. That's not good. I'm seriously going to need to do some serious work to get that up. Not just because I need good grades, but also because I want to be drum major and having that low of a GPA isn't going to land me a spot or even a chance:( *tear*. Yeah so nothing much has really happened. I really wanna take a nap so I think I'm going to do that. Yeah, if anyone knows a good tutor, hit me up pleas. And my mouth itches.
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Monday, May 20, 2013
Panda
Hey, so it's been a while. Yeah, I know, I didn't do the whole Friday thing. But oh well, hopefully this week I'll remember. So for a few updates: I made band three. It's actually a pretty big deal seeing as I'm only a sophomore. But unfortunately I'm going to be with Blake. He's been playing oboe for three years and he has an ucky plastic oboe. I have a feeling that just because of seniority he's going to get first chair, but I really don't want that to happen. I also got my major letter. I guess that's a big deal, too, but I'm not really sure. I don't understand what's so great about it, though.
I almost cut yesterday. But I didn't. I went to my mommy and she helped me through it. Also, I saw the movie The Perks Of Being a Wallflower yesterday. It. Was. Fantastic! Loved it.
Since I don't have much to say today instead of my normal closing thought, here is the substitute for the day...
Be aggressive! Passive aggressive!!!!:)
I almost cut yesterday. But I didn't. I went to my mommy and she helped me through it. Also, I saw the movie The Perks Of Being a Wallflower yesterday. It. Was. Fantastic! Loved it.
Since I don't have much to say today instead of my normal closing thought, here is the substitute for the day...
Be aggressive! Passive aggressive!!!!:)
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Not really sure what to title this....
Hi fraannnddss! How are you? I think I'm getting a cold. Or allergies. So I have a situation. There's this guy. Please don't get excited. I don't like him. But he does like me. And I'm not sure what to say to him. He sent me a text last hour that said "I have a huge crush on u and think you're the most beautiful girl around and I'd do anything to be with you. I want you in my life." What exactly do I say to that. Personally, I have no idea. I don't have those feelings for him.
Yeah, so anyway! I went to my brother's baseball game last night. They lost.
I'm not really sure what to say right now. I'm really tired. So I think I might go and take a nap. Night sexuals, and always remember to....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
#yawwnnnnn
Yeah, so anyway! I went to my brother's baseball game last night. They lost.
I'm not really sure what to say right now. I'm really tired. So I think I might go and take a nap. Night sexuals, and always remember to....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
#yawwnnnnn
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
My Butterflies
The Butterfly Project
Happy Wednesday everyone! So yesterday I learned about this really cool thing called the Butterfly Project. It's to help support people who do self harm and help them find their way back.
The idea is simple. The self-harmer simply draws a butterfly on their place(s) of self-harm and, if the butterfly fades without them self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving them a sense of achievement. Whereas if they do self-harm with the butterfly there; they will have to wash it off. If that does happen, they can start again by drawing a new one on. What I like to do, is name my butterfly after someone I love, so I have a purpose and a legitimate reason not to do it.
Something else you could do, is if someone you know self-harms, you can draw a butterfly on your arm or wrist for them in hope that they won't self-harm. I find this to be a very good way of stopping myself from wanting to cut, and actually have two butterflies right now. They're Deb and Jack.
I guess since I'm on the subject of self-harm, maybe I'll tell you a little bit more about myself. Last December, I got really bad. I spent more time in my room than out of it, and was so depressed. I didn't want to kill myself, I just didn't want to be alive. I started thinking about ways to do it, and just got to the point where I felt like I had something growing inside of me, so I cut to kill it, so it wouldn't kill me. It felt like my only release at the time. And I felt better every time after I did it. For some reason, I always had music playing when I did it. And I think it was actually like Pandora. Yeah so now I look at my scars and remind myself that each and every scar has it's own story and the fact that they healed reminds me that things do get better.
There are some days now where I just feel like staying home in my room all day and just sitting there. But I know if I do that, it will get to that point again of wanting to cut. And I might just do it too because that's what happened when I had my last relapse. So now I try to spend as much time as possible out of my room with my family or dogs, and just try to focus on the positive things in life. And I personally think that that's a lesson everyone should learn, that no matter how negative things seem, we need to find that positive light that is flickering somewhere. Because there is always hope in even the hopeless of situations.
Wow. Deep. I know. But I think I'm gonna go:) love you guys
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
The idea is simple. The self-harmer simply draws a butterfly on their place(s) of self-harm and, if the butterfly fades without them self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving them a sense of achievement. Whereas if they do self-harm with the butterfly there; they will have to wash it off. If that does happen, they can start again by drawing a new one on. What I like to do, is name my butterfly after someone I love, so I have a purpose and a legitimate reason not to do it.
Something else you could do, is if someone you know self-harms, you can draw a butterfly on your arm or wrist for them in hope that they won't self-harm. I find this to be a very good way of stopping myself from wanting to cut, and actually have two butterflies right now. They're Deb and Jack.
I guess since I'm on the subject of self-harm, maybe I'll tell you a little bit more about myself. Last December, I got really bad. I spent more time in my room than out of it, and was so depressed. I didn't want to kill myself, I just didn't want to be alive. I started thinking about ways to do it, and just got to the point where I felt like I had something growing inside of me, so I cut to kill it, so it wouldn't kill me. It felt like my only release at the time. And I felt better every time after I did it. For some reason, I always had music playing when I did it. And I think it was actually like Pandora. Yeah so now I look at my scars and remind myself that each and every scar has it's own story and the fact that they healed reminds me that things do get better.
There are some days now where I just feel like staying home in my room all day and just sitting there. But I know if I do that, it will get to that point again of wanting to cut. And I might just do it too because that's what happened when I had my last relapse. So now I try to spend as much time as possible out of my room with my family or dogs, and just try to focus on the positive things in life. And I personally think that that's a lesson everyone should learn, that no matter how negative things seem, we need to find that positive light that is flickering somewhere. Because there is always hope in even the hopeless of situations.
Wow. Deep. I know. But I think I'm gonna go:) love you guys
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Low
Today's probably gonna be a rant. Not sure why, but this is a problem that I see people having all the time. It's running away from their problems. Like, I know we all do that, it's just a part of life, but personally I think that people should just suck it up and face their problems. Maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this, seeing as instead of facing my problems, I cut myself. But that's not the point at hand. The point today is that everyone I love has been running away from their problems. And I have three perfect examples of that today.
First, my sister. As you know from previous blogs, she just ran away from life here in Green Bay and went out on her own. I don't know all the dirty details so I guess I can't judge that much. But she left without explaining and that really bothers me. So I really have no other options but to judge. Now I guess I have moved on since she had her baby. But that's still not the point.
Next is Victor. He just ran away from me. He didn't bother telling me what I did wrong or to piss him off, just left. I actually sent him a message last night on Skype. I'm pretty proud/upset with myself about that. Since I promised myself and him that I wouldn't contact him anymore, but I do feel better making sure he knows that he's still on my mind.
And last is my best friend. She went through some stuff last summer and her mom just found out about it a few weeks ago. And my friend, lets call her A, has been putting it off because she didn't want anyone to find out. And she had to go to the police yesterday and file charges, and her mom wants to get a restraining order against the person. Anyway, so this morning, we were talking, and I was trying to explain to A that what she went through is a very big deal. And she thinks that since it's her she can just blow it off and she is an exception. Well, then I had to explain to her that it is a big deal and she can't be selfish about it. If she had told her mom right away, and not put it off then I can see where she's coming from. But she has actually used the incident against people so can can win in an argument. And that's low. Quiet selfish and immature. Very immature actually. If you're not going to do anything about it, then you can't use it in 'battle.'
Yeah, and the best part about those three people is that they are the the only three people that I felt comfortable talking to about my depression. And what I'm going through. But now I don't have anyone, a) because they ran away from their own problems, why would they want to help with mine, b) I feel like I've talked all my people up, and I have no one to talk to, and c) I feel like I don't matter to any of them anymore anyway. Like why would they just run away if I actually meant anything to them in the first place. Like don't my feelings matter? I thought so. Guess I'm wrong...
Yeah, always remember to:
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns
First, my sister. As you know from previous blogs, she just ran away from life here in Green Bay and went out on her own. I don't know all the dirty details so I guess I can't judge that much. But she left without explaining and that really bothers me. So I really have no other options but to judge. Now I guess I have moved on since she had her baby. But that's still not the point.
Next is Victor. He just ran away from me. He didn't bother telling me what I did wrong or to piss him off, just left. I actually sent him a message last night on Skype. I'm pretty proud/upset with myself about that. Since I promised myself and him that I wouldn't contact him anymore, but I do feel better making sure he knows that he's still on my mind.
And last is my best friend. She went through some stuff last summer and her mom just found out about it a few weeks ago. And my friend, lets call her A, has been putting it off because she didn't want anyone to find out. And she had to go to the police yesterday and file charges, and her mom wants to get a restraining order against the person. Anyway, so this morning, we were talking, and I was trying to explain to A that what she went through is a very big deal. And she thinks that since it's her she can just blow it off and she is an exception. Well, then I had to explain to her that it is a big deal and she can't be selfish about it. If she had told her mom right away, and not put it off then I can see where she's coming from. But she has actually used the incident against people so can can win in an argument. And that's low. Quiet selfish and immature. Very immature actually. If you're not going to do anything about it, then you can't use it in 'battle.'
Yeah, and the best part about those three people is that they are the the only three people that I felt comfortable talking to about my depression. And what I'm going through. But now I don't have anyone, a) because they ran away from their own problems, why would they want to help with mine, b) I feel like I've talked all my people up, and I have no one to talk to, and c) I feel like I don't matter to any of them anymore anyway. Like why would they just run away if I actually meant anything to them in the first place. Like don't my feelings matter? I thought so. Guess I'm wrong...
Yeah, always remember to:
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Russia!
Live long and love life my sparkly American, German, and Russian cupcake unicorns:)
Feliz Dia de las Madres
Happy mother's day!
Wow, a lot has happened since we've talked last. I'm an aunt! Big deal. Little girl's name is Sylvia Rose and she is beautiful. I'm so happy for my big sissy. And that's really it. I know I said I would make a theme every Friday but I really didn't feel like talking. I've been so tired and not feeling well and today, I've just gotten worse. I have an awful headache and puked up my chicken wrapped in bacon dinner.
That's honestly all I have to say honestly, um.... NAKED CHICKEN
Yeah, sorry random but an inside joke.
Until next time, lovely's....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Wow, a lot has happened since we've talked last. I'm an aunt! Big deal. Little girl's name is Sylvia Rose and she is beautiful. I'm so happy for my big sissy. And that's really it. I know I said I would make a theme every Friday but I really didn't feel like talking. I've been so tired and not feeling well and today, I've just gotten worse. I have an awful headache and puked up my chicken wrapped in bacon dinner.
That's honestly all I have to say honestly, um.... NAKED CHICKEN
Yeah, sorry random but an inside joke.
Until next time, lovely's....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Friday, May 3, 2013
Happy Happy Happy
So last night I was watching videos on youtube....because you know, I like never do that.... And I decided something. Every Friday is going to have a theme. I will pick a topic, or you can leave comments and let me know what you want to hear about, and all blog, all I will talk about is that one topic. Maybe it will be orange nail polish, or SnapChat, or monkeys picking their butts. But every Friday we will be discussing a new topic.
As you can see, I posted a new pic! I'm actually wearing my hair differently. I haven't worn my hair like this since I got a hair cut a few months back, so I decided to try something new. Nah actually, I accidentally parted my hair on the wrong side today and it was bothering me. But this is still different from how I usually wear it. Let me know how you like it, and you never know. Maybe every Friday, I'll wear my hair differently and post a pic and see how you guys like it.
Cool, so we've established some more stuff. Good job. I'm not really sure what to say. The really hot guy just came into my study hall! That's always a bonus! Umm.... I'm going to my dad's house tonight. Maybe I'll blog while I'm there. Not sure yet.
Well I have homework to work on, so until tonight, or tomorrow, or ya never know...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
As you can see, I posted a new pic! I'm actually wearing my hair differently. I haven't worn my hair like this since I got a hair cut a few months back, so I decided to try something new. Nah actually, I accidentally parted my hair on the wrong side today and it was bothering me. But this is still different from how I usually wear it. Let me know how you like it, and you never know. Maybe every Friday, I'll wear my hair differently and post a pic and see how you guys like it.
Cool, so we've established some more stuff. Good job. I'm not really sure what to say. The really hot guy just came into my study hall! That's always a bonus! Umm.... I'm going to my dad's house tonight. Maybe I'll blog while I'm there. Not sure yet.
Well I have homework to work on, so until tonight, or tomorrow, or ya never know...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Single Ladies!
Hey y'all! I'm single! Yes, I did it. I dumped Wisdom. I was nice and tried to do it easily but he just made it really hard. He was mad. I don't understand why, but I really haven't been dumped so I guess I really can't judge that bad. And he did that whole trying to change my mind thing, too, which really bothered me.
The funeral is this weekend. I have to wear a dress. My mom said it's because my aunt Lynn judges her and her side of my family, so I have to impress Lynn. But honestly, if she has to be impressed to accept people then she has things she needs to work through. I am her family and I shouldn't have to impress her to be accepted! This is really bothering me. Like my last name and her maiden name are the same! We have the same blood flowing through our bodies! If I need to try my best and look my best to be around her, then I don't want to be around her.
Family shouldn't be about impressing each other. Or trying to be better. It should be about accepting each other and being able to listen when someone has stuff they're going through. Not calling their grandpa and asking about them, instead of asking the person themselves.
Ugh, sorry. Yeah, so if you can't already tell, no one on my dad's side of the family really gets along. Like originally there was six kids, and two died, so now there's only four, but still. They still act like they're children and bring their children into their problems so everyone's involved. To be completely honest, I would like to see that side of the family go a month without drama. But that won't happen, because drama runs through their blood. That means that it runs through my blood, but at least I try not to let it control me and affect my life.
Well that's a little about my psycho family. I hope that at least it comforts you in that your family isn't the only, or the craziest family out there. There really are worse.... Yeah, bye.
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
The funeral is this weekend. I have to wear a dress. My mom said it's because my aunt Lynn judges her and her side of my family, so I have to impress Lynn. But honestly, if she has to be impressed to accept people then she has things she needs to work through. I am her family and I shouldn't have to impress her to be accepted! This is really bothering me. Like my last name and her maiden name are the same! We have the same blood flowing through our bodies! If I need to try my best and look my best to be around her, then I don't want to be around her.
Family shouldn't be about impressing each other. Or trying to be better. It should be about accepting each other and being able to listen when someone has stuff they're going through. Not calling their grandpa and asking about them, instead of asking the person themselves.
Ugh, sorry. Yeah, so if you can't already tell, no one on my dad's side of the family really gets along. Like originally there was six kids, and two died, so now there's only four, but still. They still act like they're children and bring their children into their problems so everyone's involved. To be completely honest, I would like to see that side of the family go a month without drama. But that won't happen, because drama runs through their blood. That means that it runs through my blood, but at least I try not to let it control me and affect my life.
Well that's a little about my psycho family. I hope that at least it comforts you in that your family isn't the only, or the craziest family out there. There really are worse.... Yeah, bye.
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
-_-
I don't even know what to say right now. Like everything just seems to be working out against me at the moment. First, this morning, my school had a one hour late start. I wanted to sleep in, but people wanted me to come to school early, so I got up at my usual time and came. Well, I asked Jack (my step-dad) if he we could leave at 6:55. Well let's just say that we didn't leave until about ten minutes later. Five minutes after I said I would be to school.
The I get to school, and I'm in a bad mood. Well obviously people can't see that (my boyfriend) so they keep nagging me to find out what's wrong (my boyfriend). People need to learn that when I'm in a bad mood, they just need to leave me alone. No touching or interaction. And when we're sitting there at a table, and people insist on having their knee touch mine, it really- for lack of a better word- pisses me off. Honestly people.
Then, when people know something about me and won't tell me what it is. Like I don't like surprises or secrets, but when they're all built up into one, it really puts me right over the edge. Sometimes people need to realize that if they know something about their FRIEND and their friends BOYFRIEND told them not to tell their friend, that they should maybe pick their friend.
Like really...
And don't get me started on people who can't take a hint! O.M.G. Really people?!
And oh my, a very attractive guy just walked into my study hall. He's tan and tall and has amazing fashion sense. Ah. Dang.
And the worst part is that i look fantastic today. I actually am wearing jewelry, like apart from the normal purity ring and bracelet I wear, this is a big deal, and no one has noticed:(. Well love you guys too!
Alright, I've nagged enough. Until I feel like talking again...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
The I get to school, and I'm in a bad mood. Well obviously people can't see that (my boyfriend) so they keep nagging me to find out what's wrong (my boyfriend). People need to learn that when I'm in a bad mood, they just need to leave me alone. No touching or interaction. And when we're sitting there at a table, and people insist on having their knee touch mine, it really- for lack of a better word- pisses me off. Honestly people.
Then, when people know something about me and won't tell me what it is. Like I don't like surprises or secrets, but when they're all built up into one, it really puts me right over the edge. Sometimes people need to realize that if they know something about their FRIEND and their friends BOYFRIEND told them not to tell their friend, that they should maybe pick their friend.
Like really...
And don't get me started on people who can't take a hint! O.M.G. Really people?!
And oh my, a very attractive guy just walked into my study hall. He's tan and tall and has amazing fashion sense. Ah. Dang.
And the worst part is that i look fantastic today. I actually am wearing jewelry, like apart from the normal purity ring and bracelet I wear, this is a big deal, and no one has noticed:(. Well love you guys too!
Alright, I've nagged enough. Until I feel like talking again...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Study Hall
Hey friends. I'm in study hall right now. Bored. Sometimes in study hall I sleep or do homework or go to the band room, but today I feel like talking to my friends. Lucky you. I have math homework that's due in like two hours, but I can do that at lunch.
For an update, Jazmen has not had her baby yet. I worked through some stuff on my own and figured out that I really don't want to wallow in it anymore, so this is basically a written statement of me letting it go. I found out yesterday that the funeral for Larry is on Saturday. So I get to spend a whole day of awkward conversation with family that I would like to be closer to, but am not because they suck. Yeah, my family really could use some counseling, but I don't think any amount of talking about our feelings could amount to anything good. Especially if everyone's there. I just hope for Jacob and Chris's sake that everyone can just get along so they have one less thing on their mind.
I don't really know what to say.... It's really warm out today! Like in the 80's. And for my German readers, if you don't know, its really warn, especially for Wisconsin right now. Like it seriously snowed in April. But that's Wisconsin weather for you. So I'm wearing shorts. As uncomfortable I am with my chubby legs (:/) I didn't want to be burning up. I also realized that this blog is just a play by play of my life. Not really a whole lot of 'figuring things out,' is there?
But that's okay. Though today I do want to talk about someone who used to mean the world to me. His name is Victor. He lives in Canada. We got super close and talked all the time. He is older than me, but he is one of, if not, the nicest guy I have ever met. I could talk to him about anything and he would completely understand. Seriously, he was my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, and comedian when I needed one, but there was no one there for me. We don't talk anymore, because I changed. Well, first I was upset that he just stopped talking to me, without telling me why. Then when I heard that, I was, and still am, upset that he doesn't realize that people change. I don't understand what's so hard to understand about that. I mean don't get me wrong. I am totally and completely against any sort of change, but I work through it instead of running away from it.
Yeah, so I have a feeling you will be hearing more about him in days to come. I might even make a whole blog just about him, but for this study hall hour....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
For an update, Jazmen has not had her baby yet. I worked through some stuff on my own and figured out that I really don't want to wallow in it anymore, so this is basically a written statement of me letting it go. I found out yesterday that the funeral for Larry is on Saturday. So I get to spend a whole day of awkward conversation with family that I would like to be closer to, but am not because they suck. Yeah, my family really could use some counseling, but I don't think any amount of talking about our feelings could amount to anything good. Especially if everyone's there. I just hope for Jacob and Chris's sake that everyone can just get along so they have one less thing on their mind.
I don't really know what to say.... It's really warm out today! Like in the 80's. And for my German readers, if you don't know, its really warn, especially for Wisconsin right now. Like it seriously snowed in April. But that's Wisconsin weather for you. So I'm wearing shorts. As uncomfortable I am with my chubby legs (:/) I didn't want to be burning up. I also realized that this blog is just a play by play of my life. Not really a whole lot of 'figuring things out,' is there?
But that's okay. Though today I do want to talk about someone who used to mean the world to me. His name is Victor. He lives in Canada. We got super close and talked all the time. He is older than me, but he is one of, if not, the nicest guy I have ever met. I could talk to him about anything and he would completely understand. Seriously, he was my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, and comedian when I needed one, but there was no one there for me. We don't talk anymore, because I changed. Well, first I was upset that he just stopped talking to me, without telling me why. Then when I heard that, I was, and still am, upset that he doesn't realize that people change. I don't understand what's so hard to understand about that. I mean don't get me wrong. I am totally and completely against any sort of change, but I work through it instead of running away from it.
Yeah, so I have a feeling you will be hearing more about him in days to come. I might even make a whole blog just about him, but for this study hall hour....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Germany!
Hey y'all! So I was looking at my page views a little while ago, and guess what?! Carrots are orange! Haha, that's not it. I have viewers in Germany! You have no idea how excited I was. Like I have people in Germany who are reading my blog! I almost peed my pants.
I just want to say, for anyone really, that you can leave me comments, and tell me where your from. I so excited and really want to learn a little bit more about my readers. Just tell me a little about yourselves. Or a lot. Any messages will be read and hopefully commented on, if I can. Hit me up u guys! And like always...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
I just want to say, for anyone really, that you can leave me comments, and tell me where your from. I so excited and really want to learn a little bit more about my readers. Just tell me a little about yourselves. Or a lot. Any messages will be read and hopefully commented on, if I can. Hit me up u guys! And like always...
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
It's Been a While
Hey sexy chickadees. How's it going? Its been awhile. I've missed you:/ but I'm back. Not sure where to start, or what to say, but I'll just start with Larry. He is my great uncle. He died on Saturday. I wasn't very close to him nor his sons, but his older son, Jacob, was there with him, so I feel bad for him. Yeah, so that's sad.
My mom just told me that we're having these three girls over tonight. We've known them forever and they're like little sisters to me, but I really don't think that I can handle them, emotionally or mentally. What I would like to do is sit in my room like the hermit I am, and when I asked my mom if i could, she said "If you want to be an unsociable b****." The conversations we have are really meant to be in my house. Sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are bad, and sometimes they are....yeah.
I made a new friend too. His name's Brian. He gets mad when people call him Brain. Wisdom did actually and he got mad. Brian actually saw me and Wisdom walking together one day and freaked out. But I still made a friend in him. Then Rheannan happened. I love her, but she needs to be up on the newest guys. And Brian's not even new! He's been in band all year. So they started talking and I guess they like each other, but she needs a male-counterpart to help run her life and a rebound guy, and he needs female attention. Sounds great.
I don't really have much to say right now, I might talk later when the girls come, but for now....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
My mom just told me that we're having these three girls over tonight. We've known them forever and they're like little sisters to me, but I really don't think that I can handle them, emotionally or mentally. What I would like to do is sit in my room like the hermit I am, and when I asked my mom if i could, she said "If you want to be an unsociable b****." The conversations we have are really meant to be in my house. Sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are bad, and sometimes they are....yeah.
I made a new friend too. His name's Brian. He gets mad when people call him Brain. Wisdom did actually and he got mad. Brian actually saw me and Wisdom walking together one day and freaked out. But I still made a friend in him. Then Rheannan happened. I love her, but she needs to be up on the newest guys. And Brian's not even new! He's been in band all year. So they started talking and I guess they like each other, but she needs a male-counterpart to help run her life and a rebound guy, and he needs female attention. Sounds great.
I don't really have much to say right now, I might talk later when the girls come, but for now....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Hey there!
Well hello there! It's been a few days since we've talked. I've been busy. School and homework and church and fun stuff like that. I don't really have much to say. I texted my sister and asked her how she's doing, and she had the nerve to be mad at me. I didn't do anything, wrong, I was honest with her. I'm not really in the mood to complain about it, and there really isn't much else to say.
Well, I guess there's another thing. Today, I was leaning against a locker, and Wisdom was about to kiss me. He was leaning in, and all of a sudden, a friend of ours, Logan, stuck his face in between us and totally interrupted us. I was so upset, and in the end, Wisdom only ended up kissing my cheek:(. I was upset.
And yesterday, we made up a new word. It's 'slunt.' I don't want to say what it is, because it is a mixture of two very naughty words, but if you figure it out, leave me a comment and let me know:).
There isn't much else that has happened in the wonderful world of my life. So for now, I'm going to go eat dinner. We're having a pasta/chicken/cheese/thing dinner. Until next time....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Well, I guess there's another thing. Today, I was leaning against a locker, and Wisdom was about to kiss me. He was leaning in, and all of a sudden, a friend of ours, Logan, stuck his face in between us and totally interrupted us. I was so upset, and in the end, Wisdom only ended up kissing my cheek:(. I was upset.
And yesterday, we made up a new word. It's 'slunt.' I don't want to say what it is, because it is a mixture of two very naughty words, but if you figure it out, leave me a comment and let me know:).
There isn't much else that has happened in the wonderful world of my life. So for now, I'm going to go eat dinner. We're having a pasta/chicken/cheese/thing dinner. Until next time....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Monday, April 22, 2013
Siblings
So today I figured out that I will never live up to Noah's expectations of me. I try to be the best sister I can be but sometimes I would love to wring his neck. He starts things with Anthony and I have to end it. Either he touches Anthony and hurts him, or says something mean, and then Anthony gets upset and Noah doesn't care and I have to fix Anthony.
And on days like this instead of hurting him, I'd like to just punch my door, which is hardwood. Yeah, that wouldn't work out very well. I'd end up with a broken hand and probably a huge hospital bill that my mom would be upset about. So yeah, we're not going to do anything to any children who are in a lower grade than me. But that doesn't say anything about boys who are my age or older.
Hmm, Wisdom. He is my first real boyfriend and EVERYONE is making a huge deal out of it. I mean, you don't have anything that resembles a relationship and when you get something that could turn into one, everyone spazzes. Like 'omg, she has a friend who's a boy!' Dumb. Oh well, but that doesn't make me stop liking him any less. He's really nice.
So not on the topic of boys, but I had a meeting today and found out that I have 3 F's in school. I did not realize that... that means I can't be a part of the play. But I have commitment issues and don't really care anymore.
And on another topic, my sister. I have a feeling she will be coming up a lot in the future, so I'll explain her now. Her name is Jazmen. She's 21. She is my half sister because we have different moms. Until she was 10, she lived with me. But then she moved. She never had the best life, but instead of breaking away from it all, she let it define her. For a while we were talking a lot and I thought we were getting really close. And one week we talked every day. I was really excited. Until that Thursday. I found out that she moved 400 miles away, and didn't even bother telling me. And when I called her and asked her about it, she lied to me.
I cried for days, and reconsidered how much I was loving people. I loved Jazmen with all my heart, and through all her boyfriends and screw ups, I stuck around and she only ended up breaking my heart. Great. So I've basically lost all my ambition to do anything, and i don't want to say it's her fault. It could also be the depression I suffer from, but I've decided to send her letters, as much as I see needed, and tell her everything she needs to know. It could be two letters or 200, but she needs to know how I feel. I realized only a little too late after I sent the first one, that she wasn't going to be responding, and changed my mindset to stop thinking about me and start thinking about her.
Too much sappy and not enough happy, I know, so until tomorrow....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
And on days like this instead of hurting him, I'd like to just punch my door, which is hardwood. Yeah, that wouldn't work out very well. I'd end up with a broken hand and probably a huge hospital bill that my mom would be upset about. So yeah, we're not going to do anything to any children who are in a lower grade than me. But that doesn't say anything about boys who are my age or older.
Hmm, Wisdom. He is my first real boyfriend and EVERYONE is making a huge deal out of it. I mean, you don't have anything that resembles a relationship and when you get something that could turn into one, everyone spazzes. Like 'omg, she has a friend who's a boy!' Dumb. Oh well, but that doesn't make me stop liking him any less. He's really nice.
So not on the topic of boys, but I had a meeting today and found out that I have 3 F's in school. I did not realize that... that means I can't be a part of the play. But I have commitment issues and don't really care anymore.
And on another topic, my sister. I have a feeling she will be coming up a lot in the future, so I'll explain her now. Her name is Jazmen. She's 21. She is my half sister because we have different moms. Until she was 10, she lived with me. But then she moved. She never had the best life, but instead of breaking away from it all, she let it define her. For a while we were talking a lot and I thought we were getting really close. And one week we talked every day. I was really excited. Until that Thursday. I found out that she moved 400 miles away, and didn't even bother telling me. And when I called her and asked her about it, she lied to me.
I cried for days, and reconsidered how much I was loving people. I loved Jazmen with all my heart, and through all her boyfriends and screw ups, I stuck around and she only ended up breaking my heart. Great. So I've basically lost all my ambition to do anything, and i don't want to say it's her fault. It could also be the depression I suffer from, but I've decided to send her letters, as much as I see needed, and tell her everything she needs to know. It could be two letters or 200, but she needs to know how I feel. I realized only a little too late after I sent the first one, that she wasn't going to be responding, and changed my mindset to stop thinking about me and start thinking about her.
Too much sappy and not enough happy, I know, so until tomorrow....
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Its Sunday
whats up chickadees! It's Sunday, and I'm just chilling here after church. I've already done a bunch of chores and am ready for bed. Oh, but it's only 2 o'clock. Today I thought I'd tell you a little about myself.
My name's Mikayla. I'm fifteen. I have two brothers, Noah (13) and Anthony (6). My parents are divorced so I have three parents, since my mom remarried. I have two dogs, Andre and Scotty, who I love very much. Andre's a little chubber, and Scotty is his slim counterpart.
I won't get into a lot of deep stuff today, but in short, I have suffered from depression for 2 years, and last December it got.... bad. I'm getting better though. I love music, as you can tell from the name of the blog, and love anything to do with it.
That's just about all you really need to know about me at the moment, so until tomorrow-
Live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Pilot
Hey there! my name's mikayla leone. im just a girl with a computer who wants to put my thoughts out there. there is so much to say in one post so i wanted to create a blog so people know that theyre not alone. ive been through plenty and want people to know about it. ive told plenty of people i know, but maybe getting everything out there, people will look at people like me a little differently.
i suffer from depression and am an introvert, and in this day and age, people have to be happy and extroverted to be noticed. well i want to change that. and i plan on doing that one day at a time. so if you want, please join me in the journey in self discovery and possible world changing.
i plan on having a different topic every day but some days may just be rants. we'll see but for now
live long and love life my sparkly cupcake unicorns:)
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